The Montfort Group

Don’t Give Up: Learning To Communicate

Communication problems come up in every relationship. The problem is, some individuals believe it is a sign to bail out or run. They fail to trust they can work through their current struggles and come out better by learning to communicate.

At the core of every relationship is a desire to find and give love. Everyone wants someone to accept them for who they are. They want someone to confide in and trust. They want to live peaceably and to have fun.

Trust is broken when words are used to hurt not help or heal. But even the most peaceful people can slip now and then. It’s important to know you don’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to be someone you’re not. But it is important to try to be a person your partner can trust and find support from.

The Root of Communication Problems 

Relationships are made up of people each trying to find their way in a complex world. Selfishness, ego, the need to be right, and defensiveness are all part of human nature. Keeping these traits in a healthy balance can be difficult. Not managed well, these common characteristics can corrode the best relationships.

So what can you do to create a more peaceful, loving environment with your significant other? Here are a few tips:

  • Allow each other to have a bad day once in a while.
  • Allow your partner to share their feelings without judgment. 
  • Echo back what you think they are saying.
  • Don’t give advice unless you have permission to.
  • Use positive, kind words rather than demeaning words.
  • Ask for clarification to ensure you understand what’s being said.
  • Take a step back to calm yourself and be present when the other person has something to say. 
  • Be cautious of putting your significant other third or fourth by rushing from one activity to another or by being glued to technology rather than being present. 
  • Look your partner in the eye and smile while sharing your point of view. 
  • Validate your partner’s opinion or feelings.
  • Don’t talk over your partner. Let them finish their sentences.
  • While you don’t need to provide a solution or weigh in on a problem, acknowledge what your partner says so they know you’ve heard them.
  • Check your ego when you start to feel angry.
  • Ask yourself how important it is to be right. 
  • Resist the temptation to make a mountain out of a molehill.
  • Choose empathy and compassion when needed.

Good communication in a relationship is important. Recognizing everyone has a bad day now and then will go a long way. Commitment to your relationship will help you ride out stormy situations. Ultimately, don’t give up on a relationship that may just be what you need.

It is possible to fix your relationship by adjusting your methods of communication. Don’t expect big changes overnight, but slowly implement some positive changes that will reap good results. Give your partner comfort, support, applause, love, and kindness, and you’ll find your way to greater happiness with each other.

The Montfort Group has been providing professional counseling services in Plano for the past several years. We thrive on addressing a variety of complicated relationships and personal issues. Our therapy services incorporate individual, couple and family work for children, teens, and adults. Our unique relationship counseling approach embraces a self-growth focused, collaborative process. When you reach out to us, you can be assured that we will make it as comfortable as possible to get the help you need.

Picture of Cory Montfort, MS, LPC-S

Cory Montfort, MS, LPC-S

I completed my Masters of Science in Counseling from Southern Methodist University where I specialized in working with individuals, couples, and families. I have extensive experience working within the mental health community facilitating groups, conducting assessments, counseling individuals, and performing crisis intervention. I hold an active License in Professional Counseling and am also a board-approved Counselor Supervisor for the state of Texas.

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