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How To Process Negative Emotions
Research shows how happy you are depends on your ability to process negative emotions. Learning to accept rather than fight your feelings is the key to handling them better.
I was hoping to share this information for Stress Awareness Month, but life, as it typically does, happened, and I experienced a little burnout in April. The reality is we do not experience stress only one month per year, and an essential part of managing stress it is the ability to prioritize, adjust expectations, and redirect energy and efforts. So, we’ll talk about burnout now.
Life looks pretty stressful for so many people for so many reasons. I’ve noticed that more clients, friends, and family have been overwhelmed, emotionally drained, and lost. It feels like a great time to discuss how to effectively manage stress to create a sense of safety and well-being in our lives.
Stress is an every day (and quite normal) human experience. It’s how we respond to environmental events we perceive as harmful. It is the body’s internal alarm system. When the brain identifies a threat, cortisol and adrenaline levels spike, signaling to the nervous system that we need to take self-preserving action. That typically means we run away, stay and fight, or disconnect and become numb. Stress is an evolutionary adaptive process, which is why cortisol levels usually follow the human circadian rhythm: higher in the first 30-50min of being awake to help the body prepare to face the day’s challenges and perform; then decline as the day progresses.
Stress is a physiological process with a beginning, a middle, and an end. In their book “Burnout: The secret to unlocking the stress cycle” (2021), Dr. Emilia Nagoski and Dr. Amelia Nagoski make the case that we need to complete the stress cycle to maintain physical and mental health.
Let’s put this into context. When predators were pursuing our prehistoric ancestors, they either slew them or ran away to their caves for safety. At that moment, the danger was over; the stress cycle was closed. Modern stressors are more complicated, constant, less tangible, and challenging to resolve. You really cannot walk away from your child screaming for candy in the middle of the grocery store, perhaps you likely can’t afford to quit the job where you feel undervalued, and it’s not appropriate to punch the jerk who offended you. It is not always possible or safe to do what our bodies tell us, which could leave us stuck in stress.
When we cannot reconnect the mind and body to realize we are no longer in a life-threatening situation, our stress response system is in chronic activation. Our bodies are continuously flooded with cortisol and cortisol-based hormones. The perpetual exposure to stress weakens the immune system, impacts digestion, heart function, and insulin production, and could lead to cognitive impairments and brain fog.
The longer we move through life “white-knuckling” adverse circumstances and try to ignore and suppress stress, the more likely we will experience burnout. In addition to chronic pain and illness, burnout feels like overwhelm, emotional exhaustion, and decreased sense of accomplishment. There’s even a cynical aspect to the experience of burnout: we may find ourselves unattached from certain parts of our lives and feeling like whatever we do would make no difference, and thus we lose interest and motivation.
The good news is that there are particular strategies we can utilize to manage stress and avoid burnout.
As always, I encourage you to try the different strategies and choose the ones that work for you.
There is a difference between the event that triggered the stress response (stressor) and our body’s reaction to it (stress response). While it is not always possible to control or change external circumstances, we can learn how to effectively navigate stressors and mitigate the harmful effects of stress by always completing the cycle. Managing stress to avoid burnout is essential for a long healthy life.
I want to leave you with one of my favorite quotes from the book:
“To be well is not to live in a state of perpetual safety and calm, but to move fluidly from a state of adversity, risk, adventure, or excitement back to safety and calm, and out again. Stress is not bad for you; being stuck is bad for you. You can be well even when you don’t feel good”
Research shows how happy you are depends on your ability to process negative emotions. Learning to accept rather than fight your feelings is the key to handling them better.
When I’m stressed and 100% in my head and thinking about all of the things that need to be done and aren’t being done (or aren’t being done to my exacting standards), taking a breath grounds me in my body. Feeling the air flow in and out of my lungs helps me to slow down a second and (maybe) even put some things in perspective.
Living with anxiety can be hell but it doesn’t have to keep you stuck! Breath work continues to be a powerful way to induce calm under a number of circumstances.