Don’t get me wrong, don’t expect life to be sunshine, rainbows and unicorns, but I would like a little warnings when regularly scheduled life milestones hold secret complicated little landmines. Transitioning from college to a career in a stagnant job market. Figuring out medical insurance. Saving. Paying off student loans. Dating. Getting Married. Buying a home. Navigating the choice to have a family while balancing the impact on career. The cost of childcare. The list goes on and on and this left me wondering, why don’t we talk about it when things are this hard?
Transitions
To keep myself going in the face of the above challenges, in the past I would pump myself with futuristic thoughts, tell myself that if I can just get through this and on to the next place/time things will settle down, it will be better and I will be happier… Only to be met with disappointment when discovering yet another hill left to scale, another difficulty to manage that’s just on the other side of the peak.
A personal example for me is having a child. I always knew that pregnancy was somewhat of a “chore” but never understood that the full extent of the “labor of love” that defines the 9 month gestational period. When I had the baby, I thought, “Yes! Pregnancy is over and I can go back to being normal person!” Just as my parents taught me, I put my head down, dug in and set my sights for future reprieve. When I arrived, I discovered an even bigger work load waiting for me. After having the baby it took another month just to be able to sit in a chair comfortably. For months I was completely worn out and exhausted from feeding a baby every two hours. After 12 weeks maternity leave I forced myself to get together and get back to work. I wondered why no one had informed me this would be a much longer process than just 9 months? Why despite all my book knowledge did I feel so wholly unprepared and misinformed for so many of the important life events and why doesn’t any one talk openly and honestly about managing the ongoing trials of life? Are our struggles such tightly held secrets that everyone keeps to themselves unless specifically inquired upon?
Comfort in Numbers
Through all the ups and downs, I have noticed that the times I am able to speak the truth of my genuine experience, I more often than not, am met with “Oooooh! Me too! That happened to me.” Followed by a thorough list of suggestions for how to handle the problem. I’ve had so much positive experience being authentic and genuine with others. I’ve decided to abandon the practice of silence and commit to learning from the wisdom and experience of others, saving me from the trial and error of figuring out problems alone.
My struggles have led to the realization that there is no intrinsic value in trying to appear like you’ve got it all together on the outside, while you are really falling apart inside. Sadness, frustration, discomfort are all valid human emotions. Why do we want to suppress them? It is okay to freely speak about our challenges and to see strength in choosing to care for our mental health.
Acclaimed author and minister, Michael Bernard Beckwith said, “You wouldn’t go outside every single day without doing your physical hygiene. So why would you go outside without doing your mental/spiritual hygiene?” You are worthy of an unbiased, safe and productive opportunity to process your experiences. Talk therapy is one of the most valuable ways to attend to mental hygiene. We at the Montfort Group only see strength in scars. Call us today and why don’t we talk about it.
