The Montfort Group

Let’s Talk About Anger

Yes, this might be uncomfortable but I’m here to help!

Anger: A universal feeling that causes discomfort both emotionally and physically and is seemingly difficult for much of the human race to express. Why? I mean, it doesn’t exactly send that “butterfly feeling” signal to the receptors in our brain. However, there’s more. Is anger an acceptable emotion in society? And what’s the appropriate way to express anger?

Powerful Emotions

Interestingly, anger is one of the most powerful emotions we can feel, yet one of the feelings that often lays dormant in our mind and body due to our lack of appropriate/healthy expression. Have you ever snapped at someone who didn’t deserve it? Maybe the American Airlines agent who is taking your phone call and had nothing to do with your canceled flight. Maybe the Spectrum Internet workers on the line trying to fix your Wi-Fi that they didn’t mess up in the first place. 

Chemically, anger lights up in similar places in our bodies. We feel this. I feel it in my chest, my shoulders, sometimes my hands. In these moments, I find that my energy is depleted; it’s exhausting. It creates physical discomfort that is unwanted so we do our best to rid of it. Maybe even… neglect it? 

My Experience

Recently, I was on the phone with a fellow colleague and I was sharing a frustration of mine in my new relationship. WAIT! Let’s pause. I’m a freaking therapist. So what you’re about to find out is that we (well I) don’t have it all figured out. Interpersonal relationships can be hard- even for your therapist. So here it is—  the words that left my mouth when describing my frustrations and inability to rid of my physical discomfort to move forward from these feelings were: “I noticed my feelings, accepted they were there, and kept telling myself- ‘it’s not that big of a deal... if that’s the worst thing in my relationship… well, I’m lucky.’” She replied, “Well there it is.” I said, “What do you mean, there it is?” She said, “You’re allowed to feel that way. You don’t have to make those feelings go away.” 
And here I am. Blogging about it.

Where does the anger go when I do this to myself? To the American Airlines agent mentioned above? The Spectrum guy? Probably the customer service person at AT&T. Sadly, I’m not kidding and I think many of you can and will relate. With all of that being said, I want you to really think about it. How often do we do this to ourselves and who gets the brunt of that anger after build up?

Express Your Anger

The truth is, we all react to anger differently. However, many of us have been trained to not express this feeling at all. When we don’t express anger in a healthy way, we erupt. Try screaming into your pillow (I know it sounds melodramatic or silly, it’s not). By doing this, you’re releasing the vibrational frequency of anger, getting it out and off of your chest. So scream it out. Cry if you need to. 

Courtney Strull, MS, LPC

Courtney Strull, MS, LPC

I attended The University of Texas in Austin where I majored in Psychology and minored in Sociology. During my undergraduate coursework, I did research under Dr. Rebecca Bigler, where I studied gender and racial attitudes among children. Upon competition of my undergraduate degree, I moved to Dallas to attend Southern Methodist University’s Master of Science in Counseling program and completed all the training to become a Licensed Professional Counselor.

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