Every year, it feels increasingly true that the noise telling us how we should feel about our bodies—and our body image—gets louder. Some standards define you as beautiful or ugly. Others suggest whether we deserve time, space, or a voice. And some attempt to define us entirely.

Of course, logically, we can respond that we are not only our bodies. But the influence the idea has on our feelings is another thing entirely. 

So, you have feelings about your body image. 

I’d be pretty shocked if you didn’t, if i’m honest. I’d be even more shocked to meet someone who has never had any feelings about their body. The fact that you do is not a bad thing. As explored in a Harvard Health article, body image is shaped by more than just mirrors—it’s shaped by our culture, our media, and our personal stories

Though perhaps ways those feelings have influenced you may have harmed you in the past—or still do now. Acknowledging that there are (hopefully) at least a few good feelings, I will continue by focusing on the ones that hurt.

What have those feelings taken from you?

Perhaps for you, it is a voice in the back of your mind when you’re with a partner whispering, “Are they really attracted to me? Why would they be?”

Maybe it looks like counting calories, skipping meals, or being sure to cover up when you pass by a mirror.

It might even feel like dissociating, because paying attention to your body’s messages often brings up pain and shame.

Reclaiming Your Relationship With Your Body Image

The good news is that building a better relationship with your body is possible. It starts with turning toward your body. That also means turning away from beliefs others have taught you to accept—through words, images, or pressure.

Take the time to ask your body one question- “What do you need from me?” See how it speaks to you. See what the experience of answering its request is like. It may be the first step in reshaping your body image into something more compassionate and grounded.

Beliefs about what our bodies can do and how they should look are complex, heavy pressures. They’re constantly shaped by media and moral messages. That pressure is very real, and it’s ok to notice it. Our perception of body image can become entangled with our sense of worth.

However, building the practice of turning instead towards your body with compassion, kindness, and perhaps even patience, is a far stronger power. See what you notice when you approach it like a relationship that you want in your life.

See what it is like for your body to have someone care enough to listen.