Life is full of ups and downs and it’s a big ask to always feel happy. Unfortunately, there are times in our life when stressors or negative events seem to outweigh the good.

When we deal with life altering or traumatic events, such as the loss of a loved one, grief and depression are normal, expected responses. Other times however, our mental health can begin to decline for not so obvious reasons. Sometimes this struggle is rooted in deeper patterns—like shame and self-compassion being out of balance.

When the Signs Are Subtle

Our warning signs are unique and can be subtle. I had one client who loved to garden. Her cue that she wasn’t doing as well as she thought, was when she didn’t take the time to water her plants. Another client of mine who struggled with substance use, knew that he was showing warning signs when he would reach out to his ex-partner. 

Our moods can fluctuate due to various factors, and it’s important to acknowledge and understand these changes. Figuring out your warning signs is a good way to help you stay on track with your mental health goals and in validating your experiences. 

How to figure out your warning signs:

What I have noticed and learned from my studies, is when we are struggling, we typically do the opposite of our “normal,” or unreasonably indulge in the things we like to do. Exploring your behaviors with shame and self-compassion in mind can help clarify what’s really going on.

Take a moment to ask yourself, journal, or write down in list format the things you do when you’re at your best. This may include cooking, working out, listening to a podcast, spending time with friends or family, making your bed, going outside, and so on. 

Next, take inventory of your “normal” emotional stance when you are doing well – are you typically goofy, serious, calm, or energized? 

Noticing what ‘doing well’ looks like helps us recognize when we’re not okay. If you’re typically social, you may start isolating. A confident person might suddenly feel insecure. Someone who keeps a tidy home might let dishes pile up.

What to Do When You Notice a Shift

When we notice we are not doing well, the easiest thing to do is to do the thing you don’t want to do! 

Having both good and bad days are normal. Feeling ‘off’ for one day isn’t a red flag. But repeated patterns deserve your attention. I enjoy the quote by Adam Braun that says, “I realized that even big waves start with small ripples.” Recognizing patterns early—and meeting them with shame and self-compassion—can help prevent those ripples from becoming waves.

Noticing subtle shifts in your mental health? Our therapists are here to help. Book your appointment now with The Montfort Group and take the first step toward feeling more like yourself.