Something I come across often in my practice and personal life is the different approaches to neurodivergent communication. Knowing how to navigate this difference can be difficult to learn, particularly since there aren’t many sources to guide you through it. I hope this blog can provide some of that information for anyone hoping to improve their skills.

To start, one of the common diagnostic features of many types of neurodivergence is “difficulty in social communication across multiple contexts.” Some of these contexts include interpreting nonverbal communication, abnormal affect, and understanding relationships. I know that’s a lot of very dense phrasing, so let’s break them down.

Neurodivergent Individuals have difficulty interpreting nonverbal communication.

Difficulty interpreting nonverbal communication is, in my opinion, one of the most profound pieces to this puzzle. There is an entire layer of language that happens nonverbally. From the way people may orient their bodies towards or away from you to indicate interest or a desire to be left alone, to different types of moving the eyes that may communicate a cry for help in a conversation or excitement for it. Feeling like these subtle attempts at communication are not received can be frustrating, of course. Though we must also understand that feeling punished for not receiving a message in a language you simply don’t speak can also be immensely frustrating, especially in neurodivergent communication scenarios.

Understanding that nonverbal communication is not a native language for people with neurodivergence is a helpful starting point. As with any language we can learn, it’s possible to gain knowledge as long as someone is willing to teach us the vocabulary. This can involve explicitly teaching “Hey, when I cross my arms, that means I’m starting to feel uncomfortable or irritated.” Or even coming up with your own secret language of gestures. So long as these things are clearly labeled, you will create an understandable guide from which they can work off.

Affect is an adjacent, though distinct, concept.

Affect in psychological terms means the physicality of expressing emotion. Like laughing when you are amused or crying when you are sad. These examples paint the broadest brush of the term. Though it can range from the clarity of smiling to express happiness, to the subtlety of tense fingers expressing anxiety.

This means that they have a more difficult time understanding and labeling emotions of others by sight. Similarly, they have difficulty expressing their own emotions in a physical way that is easily recognizable to others. These challenges are a core part of how neurodivergent communication can differ from typical expressions. To return to the language metaphor, it’s like they express their emotions with pig latin. Not something immediately recognizable to the brain unless you crack the code and have a little practice with neurodivergent communication patterns.

These two things are huge contributors to the next point.

Difficulty understanding relationships.

When those relationships expect you to be fluent in languages you don’t know, navigating expectations and rules of how to interact in the first place can be astoundingly difficult. Knowing this, and being able to establish baselines together by bluntly and explicitly agreeing on what expectations exist can take a lot of the guesswork out of the equation, and pave the way for understanding how to communicate uniquely.

These are just the beginning of creating more robust ways to handle neurodivergent communication with your peers. Developing better neurodivergent communication skills means unlearning assumptions and embracing more direct, inclusive styles. Navigating playing by rules you’re establishing along the way will still be stressful, though, so be sure to give yourself- and your communication partner- space to face those hardships. Notice the things you’re doing well instead of only focusing on the parts that feel like continual setbacks.

Need Support Learning These Skills?

At The Montfort Group, we specialize in helping individuals, couples, and families build stronger communication across all neurotypes. Whether you’re neurodivergent yourself or want to better connect with someone who is, we can help you learn how to speak each other’s language with more ease and grace.

Reach out to us today to start building more meaningful, inclusive relationships.